Dove Magazine

I cheated on him, now I want him back

I have been married for five years. Early last year I suspected that my husband cheated on me with another woman. PHOTO | FILE

I have been married for five years. Early last year I suspected that my husband cheated on me with another woman. PHOTO | FILE

Q: I have been married for five years. Early last year I suspected that my husband cheated on me with another woman.

When I confronted him he told me to stop questioning him because he is not a child. I had trusted him so much and before then I had never cheated on him. I felt so bitter and I strongly felt that I should have my revenge.

I hooked up with another man who had been wanting me for a long time. Our relationship grew. One day, after one of our outings, I came home very drunk.

My husband just sent me away so I went to my parents. I am so devastated and angry at the same time. We have two kids. What should I do to have my marriage back? Any chances of recovery?

A: It seems, from everything you have described, that your marriage is badly torn apart. It is also clear that neither of you are fully committed to saving it.

You say your husband cheated on you and you revenged by cheating on him. We must ask: Was this right way to solve this problem?

Please know that a wrong is never corrected by another, and your revenge on him just wounded your marriage more. There were other ways of solving this apart from what you did.

That said, the first thing to do is to accept is the fact that as much as your husband is a cheater, you are also one. Now that you say you need your marriage back, the first step is to have a thorough conversation with your husband.

No marriage can survive without communication and this is what lacked when you found out that your husband cheated on you. Ask family members to act as mediators.

During the discussion, the root cause of this drift should be identified; each should accept his mistake, which will facilitate you both finding viable solutions to making it work.

Both of you should recommit in to the relationship with a clear promise to leave your other sexual partners. Formulate a strong strategy for dealing with conflict and stress lest you both loose the marriage.

You also need to change your attitude if this marriage is to be saved. I cannot tell whether your marriage will survive, but there are only two possibilities: its survival or termination. Whichever the case, accept that these are the consequences of your both actions. My best wishes.

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